Lily Tomlin Quotes

1. So if you've had a good time tonight, or if you've had a good time any night, for gosh sake's why not drop a dollar in the mail to me?

2. Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.


3. I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining.


4. What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.



5. I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

6. I was always drawn to more the social-expression-of-culture types.


7. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

8. I especially love "Web Therapy" and I did "Eastbound and Down" too. I had a lot of fun doing that.


9. If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.



10. Truth is, I've always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers. 




11. I guess that's one of the reasons that you do it - work all the time - because it's sort of a high to find something that really works.

12. The larger picture is really to swing people's awareness of what really is moral...There are great clergy-people who absolutely do not agree with this. It's not whether God is on our side or whether we're doing God's will, it's being so narcissistic as to think that God is telling you what to do.

13. Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.


14. I have always felt that humor was a wonderful vehicle to let us become connected with each other and ourselves…I try to portray the similarities and polarities in men and women, so that we can acknowledge and embrace our collective consciousness.


15. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

16. You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.


17. If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

18. What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.

19. Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.


20. Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?



21. I mean yes to act out something or take chances in the performance is one thing. But in terms of a camera, whatever's captured is captured so that's a little more daunting.



22. The best mind-altering drug is the truth.


23. People think there's some real subversive thing playing against whoever it is; a lot of it is just people who want to go along and get along. And they also want to make money. And the bottom line is, they're going to put out as much stuff as they can - stupid, banal stuff that makes money.

24. If you can't be direct, why be? 


25. We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

26. I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.


27. Remember we're all in this alone.

28. Exercise is for people who can't handle drugs or alcohol.

29. Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.

30. I feel some part of me can wake up and be very existential and the next day wake up and be sort of in love with the universe.


31. Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.



32. No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.



33. After all, in private, we're all misfits.

34. When you talk about yourself for 35 years, first of all, it gets repetitious. And then it seems a little bit excessive, at the least.


35. I guess if people couldn't profit from war I don't think there would be war.





36. Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

37. We went to a Southern Baptist church. When I was a small child, until I was about 8 or 9 years old, I worried if I didn't go forward and get saved every Sunday - which I couldn't do, it was absolutely too humiliating to see these adults flailing and beating their breasts and sobbing, and I thought, Oh, my God, this is so ridiculous, so embarrassing - I could never bring myself to go forward. And I'd think, Oh, my God, if I don't go next Sunday, if the end of the world comes, I'll go to hell. And that's is a pretty hard thing for a 7- or 8-year-old to carry all the time.


38. Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?





39. But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money.

40. Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if you know how. And that's the truth.


41. The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.



42. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

43. There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.


44. I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.


45. For fast-acting relief try slowing down.



46. If the formula for water is H2O, is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared?

47. Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.


48. Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.


49. We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.



50. Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

51. Growing up in Michigan was fine...until I realized where I was.


52. Creating characters is just another way to express a type and put that type to use.



53. If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

54. Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?


55. The road to success is always under construction.



56. If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.


What do you think of Lily Tomlin's quotes?


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