John Mayer Quotes
1. I just like collaborating.
2. I'm a mess of unfinished thoughts.
3. It's hard to fake who I won't be.
4. Life ain't a fairytale, it's a documentary.
6. I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life.
7. (on Pakistani comedian Kumail Nanjiani) He looked like a brown guy but sounded like a white guy.
8. Whenever they say it can't be done, remind them that they make a jellybean that tastes exactly like popcorn.
10. (on Jessica Simpson) That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me.
12. (on Obama winning The Nobel Prize) What's he going to do, send it back? It's like I'm getting a wrongful bulge in my pants and everyone's thinking I've got a nine-inch cock. I'm not going to argue with them, I'm going to let them think I have a nine-inch cock.
13. Practice hard, practice longer than anyone else. Train your brain to focus for large clips of time.
15. (on Perez Hilton) I will f... you in the mouth to shut you up. You are not wilder than me.
18. (on Justin Timberlake) He's bringing sexy back; I'm bringing sweaty back.
20. Connecticut's where I built the parts, Boston's where I assembled them, and Atlanta is where I sold them to people.
22. So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young.
23. I hate being the heartbreaker. Hate it. If I date somebody and it doesn't work out, it's another nightmare for me.
25. Sometimes it feels like my life is just one long day.
26. I just sort of lost my head for a little while.
27. Love is a hot shower where your skin never prunes.
29. Numb is the new deep, done with the old me, and talk is the same cheap it's been.
30. I look away at car crashes, and I know people who look away at car crashes, because it makes us uncomfortable to watch other people in pain.
31. I feel strikingly domestic. We're in our own world with two busses and trucks.32. I love being the center of attention.
33. (as he ties his shoe onstage) It's very difficult to tie one shoe with the same tension as the other one, because if one should be a little tighter than the other, the show's gonna suck. I'm a man of symmetry.
35. You gotta be able to explain things to yourself when the lights go off and you get in the bed. You gotta deal with you at the end of the day.
38. I've always said I've got the coolest fans, and I brag about you like grandchildren when I talk to other artists.
39. Sometimes I get so bold and I'm so confident about what I'm doing that I actually try to be more of a dork because it's a really liberating feeling to experience what it's like to not care.
40. That was a good response and I'm not going to ask you to do it again. There's nothing I hate more than going to a concert and the guy says: "You having a good time?" and you scream your head off and then the guy says: "I can't hear you!" and I'm like: "The f... you can't!" I absolutely hate it when guys do that. So I promise you I'll never make you do that. If you scream respectably the first time anyway.
42. Falling asleep is so much better than going to bed, because you don't get tangled up in the logistics.
43. Who I am as a guitarist is defined by my failure to become Jimi Hendrix.
44. The people who have the hardest time are the people who are fighting the future.
46. I love coconut, because when you think you're done eating coconut, 25 minutes later, a little piece of coconut comes out of the back of your mouth, and then you say: "Hey! It's more coconut!" I think any food with that kind of determination needs a little respect.
48. I scientifically engineer my music to be as accessible as possible.
49. Have you ever loved somebody, loved her completely, but had to end the relationship for life reasons?
50. I love you all so much. We really need to come up with a new name for "fans". How about really good friends who can't come over my house.
52. I wanted to be a blues guitar player. And a singer. And a songwriter. Not a shock jock.
53. It's so interesting how success hits people and how they react to it.
54. I was very successful from a very early age, and I want to keep it.
56. I'd like to think the best of me was still hiding up in my sleeve.
57. There's a constantly applicable nature to soul music, whereas sometimes pop music can be a periodical.
59. I'm not a brand, and I don't refer to myself in the third person. I'm a dude who plays guitar and writes songs.
60. I'm not an icon. Not even in America.
61. You get to a certain age where you prepare yourself for happiness. Sometimes you never remember to actually get happy.
63. I'm a good music provider, and I'm fine with that. I'm a quality music manufacturer.
64. They say stay in the lines, but there's always something better on the other side.
66. I'm living inside my biography right now, and this is like a paragraph.
67. You make a choice in your life, and it affects your life in all the ways, good and bad.
69. The woman of my dreams has to be up at 7 am. Maybe the woman of my dreams is at the gym, not the bar. I better get to bed.
70. You cannot avoid war in life, you cannot avoid the fear of terrorism, you cannot avoid those things now, they are a part of everyday demeanor.
72. I'm trying everything I can not to be jaded 'cause I don't like jaded musicians.
73. Everybody is just a stranger, but that's the danger in going my own way.
74. I've figured out my learning curve. I can look at something and somehow know exactly how long it will take for me to learn it.
76. All I want a song to do is just to kind of present an idea.
77. So while you are still free, standing, fully, capable, mobile, heartful people, enjoy your life.
78. I've never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told: "We're full."
81. Fear is a friend who's misunderstood.
82. If you're unlucky, you'll die while you're skiing. But if you're lucky, you're gonna live in an old folks home.
84. I've never done anything because I thought it would look cool.
85. In the quest to be clever, I completely forgot about the people that I love and that love me.
87. A man's got two shots for jewelry: a wedding ring and a watch. The watch is a lot easier to get on and off than a wedding ring.
88. Very few things in life are worthy of the kind of emotional distress we put ourselves through.
90. High School is like a spork: it's a crappy spoon and a crappy fork, so in the end it's just plain useless.
91. You have to deal with the idiot if you want the savant.
92. Look, demanding somebody do anything in this day and age is not going to fly.
94. Hopefully people can see my music is tethered to my brain.
96. Be yourself today. Be wildly yourself.
97. I'm not as surprised in going from playing 1,000 seats to 4,000 seats as I was from 100 to 500 seats.
98. Rule of thumb: If you're on a website that says out loud "congratulations, you've won!", you can be pretty sure you're up to no good.
99. No matter what I do, I'm going to earn it.
101. Nothing feels worse than having to break the stage down before the performance, and I mean nothing.
102. Life is like walking through a funhouse. It's dark, people are pushing, and you can't turn around. You just follow the cracks of light.
103. People want to see musicians sing things that come from their own mind and own heart in real time, responding to the moment for them.
105. People are really concerned with what other people are saying about them.
106. My rule is to live life as if I'm 90 years old in a hospital bed having a beautiful flashback. Works for me.
108. 20s: coming into who you are. 30s: coming into who you are being.
110. There's this moment in creation, when you've made something truly special, where you become euphoric. And then, utterly lonely.
111. Trying to impress my mother with words was one of my favorite pursuits.
113. There's so many inspiring people out there.
114. That's what happens when you get older: you start leaving "me, me, me" and you hopefully get into "we, we, we".
116. I can choose to indulge in my frustrations or I can choose to create a habit of happiness. It's not easy, but it's worth the fight.
117. There's a certain lack of gimmickry to what I do that makes people in England go: "Where's the thing?"
119. I have the obsessiveness of someone who's a sober, recovering addict displacing his addiction. Except I never had the addiction.
120. I'm sort of a dreamer, a crazy dreamer. Everything is a fantasy to me.
121. When you're just open but not honest, then you start free-associating garbage.
123. I believe in blues, and I believe that it's been misrepresented.
124. You're here because YOU made the decision, not because there was a consensus.
126. It's a Sunday night, a night never to be trusted for emotions.
128. There are these incidental kinds of loopholes in my brain, where the wires can cross for a second and the hard drive crashes.
130. I don't want to detach. I don't want to go live in a gated community.
132. My fear is that I go up to the girl of my dreams and say: "I'm sorry, but I've got to say hello to you," and she slides the stool back and gets up and walks away, saying: "Not for me, Bub. I don't want anything to do with you."
134. I feel my shows are like a late-night talk show that we settle down and do every night.
136. Maybe someday you can accuse somebody of being a poseur by selling out and playing blues music, but that's just not going to happen in my lifetime.
138. I don't write songs in order to stick it to my exes. I don't release underground dis tracks.
139. There's no sure ticket to anything and why would you wanna trade in what you really wanna do for what the odds are in favor of?
141. The biggest mistake I made and what cost me a lot of enjoyment in my life, was assuming that everybody cared. They don't.
143. If you want to be free, you've got to go it alone. And if you want to go home, you've got to build your own.
146. I get recognized somewhere in between like local meteorologist and national meteorologist.
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