Darren Criss Quotes

1. (talking about shower songs) I'm using the soap! Now I'm using the shampooooo! Hand in the drain, really gross!


2. Anti-gravity glee numbers! That's like everything I could ever want!

3. I wish I lived in the future where we have teleporters…and 1000 years in the future after the robots take us over, we can teleport pizza into live stream, note to self in 1000 years…teleport pizza.

4. I wish I had a pet monkey.

5. I'm always at a concert where the band sounds exactly like my alarm clock.




6. (singing to Ellen) When are we gonna see…Finding Nemo 2? They did it with Toy Story and Cars. So why not something new? A new story about Dory. I hope your buying what I'm selling, I know it ain't my choice…I just wanna hear the voice of my girl, Ellen!

7. My name's Darren. I'm a musician, part time idiot. That's a full time job actually.

8. So I have an EP out called "Human" and it's very short and it's very small and it's very sweet. Like me.

9. I'm gonna be really L.A. I'm gonna put the Bluetooth in my ear.

10. I like evil characters too because they're not real evil, they're fake evil which is the best kind of evil so that's cool.


11. The sunglasses are the secret to my power.

12. What's crazy is everything I'm doing now on "Glee" is just an extension of what I've been doing my whole life. If they hadn't given me "Teenage Dream," I would have been playing it in a cafe somewhere.

13. What makes you different is what makes you strong.

14. I'm this goofball. I look at myself in the mirror, and the person that I know doesn't match up to what I think people love to perceive me as.

15. You guys don't know this, but there is 1000 people behind you right now…behind the camera…that are all like, pointing spears at me making sure I do everything correctly…I'm actually chained to this chair right now…I can't leave and if I don't do this correctly they won't feed me!

16. My mom is like: "Oh, I can't wait for your album!" I'm like: "Mom, it's not really my album. My album will come out eventually".



17. Sometimes I pretend to be an octopus.  But then people are like "Darren what're you doing?" And I just sit there and laugh because they're not cool enough to be an octopus and I'm just like "Hah you're just jealous because you're not an octopus."

18. No one's tried to stab me. That's cool. I enjoy not being stabbed.






19. I was always fully prepared to be a struggling actor for a while and play a cop or a pizza boy, but the fact that all this has happened at a very young age is just really extraordinary.

20. I feel like an a… because I don't have a picture of you.




21. I have an unabashed adoration of cheesy pop music.

22. (about Teenage Dream) She said it made her heart go whee, well, guess what Katy? You make my heart go whee. 

23. There's been a terrible mistake. Someone really screwed up and let my nutty a... in here.




24. I'm very specific and ambitious in plotting out my goals and never take no for an answer - so it's not like things just fall in my lap.

25. Blaine definitely had his moment in the sun. I think it's time to focus back on the characters that fans of the show really know and love. Completely objectively from watching the show, I was like: "Why does Blaine get all these songs? This is ridiculous. I want to hear other people doing stuff."

26. I've always loved fairytales, and I've loved the concept of, um, some of the best parts of a lot of stories are the beginning.




27. I always shoot for the moon in my work, so that I'm happy when I land on the roof.

28. I've always enjoyed fashion and dressing up for things, whether it's high fashion or play fashion.

29. The Kardashians have a book? What the f…?

30. When I look back on "Glee" and on this album, it's like I was offered to live in a golden marshmallow house in the sky. It's like: "Sure! I'll take it!" I never thought that it would ever happen, that I would get a magical marshmallow castle in the sky, but my God, thank you.

31. Two years ago I broke my shades, went to a glasses kiosk, and was like. Those are fun. I'm a weird, quirky guy, and those sunglasses are a window into that. Then people started wearing pink shades to my shows. So now we sell pink Darren Criss shades; it's been this very cool, organic thing. I try to walk the line between having personal flair and being overly garish. Sometimes I might teeter on it.

32. I don't care if you're gay, straight, purple, orange, dinosaur.



33. I'm just a fanboy that got lucky.

34. So here's what happening to Blaine on "Glee", he's recently been bitten by a radioactive…uh…turtle. And I hang out with Rambo, and I move to Mars and I start of colony of...crazy misfits. And I start a Glee Club, the first intergalactic Glee Club.

35. When I was in college, I was in the theater department, which for anyone who has been involved in any kind of theater program, you know that it's really wacky and tight-knit, a real family. Me and my good friends from college would do random shows and plays that were sometimes serious, but most of the time really goofy and funny.

36. I mean, part of me would love to be a fat tenured professor of theater someday.

37. I'm always just waiting for someone to cut me off; I'm a chatty guy.

38. I never let my politics supersede my manners.

39. I'm not even supposed to be here, you didn't see me...I am but a hologram.






40. Time to call another human being…well let's hope it's a human being…I'd be really amused if it was a cat, but then the conversation probably wouldn't be as stimulating.

41. I'm kinda on cloud nine, actually I'd say cloud ten. Cloud nine was old news.





42. There's not a damn thing that I do on my own that's not for my fans or for people that have supported me. So I don't really care about my agenda, I wanna be on yours.

43. Acting can be hard work...but you just have to pull through it and sometimes you have to kiss Lea Michele.




44. I've always loved Broadway, but I never thought I'd actually do it because I was never a full Broadway dancer. And I don't have a big, booming voice.

45. Please don't kill me, I'm nice.



46. If the Warblers have to fight New Directions then SO BE IT! BRING IT ON!

47. So Katy Perry tweeted about the song, said it made her cry. I hope it was like a good cry instead of a bad cry 'cause it was really bad or something.

48. Hey grace you put your number on the internet and now weirdos are calling you...lesson learned!




49. I mean, come on, Beyonce's the queen of pop music. She's the queen. If you could run for queen…I would put her name in the suggestion box. She's incredible.

50. I play mostly guitar, and I played drums in my brother's band for a while growing up.


51. As a musician, I hear the harmonic value of everything - I just enjoy music.

52. I wish I was old Hollywood.



53. Like many relationships…I think I'm just gonna…runaway.

54. (about kissing Kurt as Blaine at the Dublin show on the Glee tour) I was consumed by my love for Chris Colfer and I just couldn't help it any longer.

55. I'm Darren, I like beaches, sushi and small animals who are nice.

56. It's always important to recognize your situation and not take it for granted.



57. We are a categorically obsessed culture, where we have to compartmentalize everything in reference to another thing, like: "What does it sound like? Does it sound like this?"

58. I think people love to attach themselves to the idea of an overnight success. That may be true about me.

59. The cool thing about music is no one can take music away from you, writing wise.

60. Challenge is good for any relationship.

61. Be nice people, cause nobody likes an a...




62. Although I don't endorse any kind of fighting…make it a very civilized battle, like battleship! Maybe you guys could have a battleship war, not with real battleships, but with like the game, by mattell!

63. Theater is a living creature. It takes a while to break in, like a new pair of shoes.

64. I'd like to be writing songs for other people - I just like writing songs.





65. When I play live in restaurants and cafes, I don't play my own stuff. I play jazz and "American Songbook" standards, and I'll fuse it with top 40.

66. I always make time for the things that are important to me.

67. When I'm in the U.K. I find myself using a lot of Britishisms.

68. I had huge hair, I'm pretty sure there was certain species in there that could cure cancer.

69. I'm incredibly anal about everything that I do.

70. Guys, if you hear any screaming girls...it's probably my dad.

71. When you're an artist, you have to hope for everything and expect nothing.


72. Fashion is about owning whatever you're wearing, regardless of if it's a high fashion statement or not.

73. As an actor it's your job to empathize with your character regardless of whether they have a different sexual orientation, spiritual beliefs, or anything.

74. For me, I think everybody with half a heart tries to do their best to do their part of good during the holiday season.

75. (after having apple come out of his mouth) If that's any indication that I like Aladdin… apple FREAKED out of my mouth.







76. I'm just as goofy and crazy as I was before if not more insane.

77. As a composer and as a musician I'm a true believer - and this is not to be overly diplomatic - I'm a believer that there's artistry in everything from a lawn gnome to a desk chair to a symphony to an Andy Warhol painting. There's art in absolutely everything.

78. I'm ambitious in the sense that I raise the bar high for myself.





79. Hollywood is a strange, strange thing. I feel like I've been invited to a very exclusive ball and I'm just trying to make nice with everybody and hope that if they kick me out they'll at least give me a ride home.

80. I don't shave when I'm not working.




81. I like orange and blue together, but I would never wear them.

82. I believe singing should be like being an actor. People shouldn't have any problem buying an actor being in a comedy or a drama or a horror film. That should be the same way with music.

83. (talking about Zac Efron) You were a Horcrux in a play I wrote!

84. I could hug the camera… can I hug the camera? Cool I'm gonna hug all of you.

85. I'm not a mean person.

86. People always ask me, is it creepy that I'm messaging you? And I'm like, no man! I'm the weird one. I played a fake Harry Potter in a musical we took time to make, that's weird man. We have a musical called "Me And My D...!" We're weird.

87. I was inadvertently raised in the "gay community." I had straight parents, but I spent massive amounts of time at a very early age with gay, theater-hopeful thirty-somethings.

88. I don't take breaks, man, I'm always doing something.

89. I'd like to think they were all romantic! I'm not just some floozy! please!

90. I remember seeing "Aladdin" when I was five or six and loving it. I looked at the big screen and said to my mum: "Whatever this Genie guy does, I want to do." Mum said I couldn't be a genie, but that Robin Williams, who did the voice-over in the film, was an actor. So I said: "OK, then, I want to be an actor."

91. I would be the worst president in the history of the United States. Unless you want the apocalypse to happen really soon then yes, I'll run for president.




92. I'm like any other composer. If you give me five years to write a symphony, I'm still going to be asking for more time two days before it's due.

93. I have a degree in acting!




94. I'm in a real minority as far as having really supportive parents in regards to the arts. They never batted an eye as far as not letting me do that stuff. That's invaluable. I can't believe how unabashedly supportive they were about everything, between music and acting.

95. That is a bad dryer! I don't want to see any of you hanging out with that dryer.

96. Should the man always make the first move? I assume you mean in chess right? cuz that only works if you're on the black side.

97. Wars will stop if we just all sit down, have a sleepover and popcorn and watch the entire thing of that show. We would all get along and it would be beautiful.


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