Charlie Sheen Quotes

1. As kids we're not taught how to deal with success; we're taught how to deal with failure. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If at first you succeed, then what?

2. Slash sat me down at his house and said: "You've got to clean up your act". You know you've gone too far when Slash is saying: "Look, you've got to get into rehab".

3. I think my passion is misinterpreted as anger sometimes. And I don't think people are ready for the message that I'm delivering, and delivering with a sense of violent love.

4. Dad almost died of a heart attack in the middle of making Apocalypse Now, the biggest movie of his life. It doesn't make you want to jump into that business.

5. I just don't want to live like I used to. And at some point, I'm going to put a gag order on myself in terms of talking about the past. I've got to slam the door and deal with the present and the future.

6. I don't have time for their judgement and their stupidity and you know they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say: "I can't process it" well, no, you never will stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show. You know?

7. Here's the good news. If I realize that I'm insane, then I'm okay with it. I'm not dangerous insane.

8. I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying's for fools, dying's for amateurs.

9. I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill.

10. From my big beautiful warlock brain, welcome to "Sheen's Corner" ... You're either in my corner, or you're with the trolls.

11. The only thing I'm addicted to is winning. This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent.

12. I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time - and this includes naps - I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.

13. But you can't focus on things that matter if all you've been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know.

14. You have the right to kill me, but you don't have the right to judge me. That's life. There's nobility in that. There's focus. It's genuine. It's crystal and it's pure and it's available to everybody, so just shut your traps and put down your McDonalds, your vaccines, your Us Weekly, your TMZ and the rest of it.

15. Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh. 

16. You either love or you hate. You live in the middle, you get nothing.

17. I'm bi-winning. I win here, I win there.

18. Uncertainty is a sign of humility, and humility is just the ability or the willingness to learn.

19. You can't process me with a normal brain.

20. When friends asked me: "Can we help?" I'd say: "Not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest or teleport me off this rock". I used that line from Star Wars.

21. Duh! So, we're asking you now, what are some of your favorite lines that this warlock brain produced?

22. I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.

23. I still don't have all the answers. I'm more interested in what I can do next than what I did last.

24. I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

25. I'm tired of ignoring that I march to a different beat.

26. Sure, I did a lot of things in excess. But if you look at the core, the foundation of what I pursued, what red-blooded young American male in my position wouldn't?

27. What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.

28. Fame is empowering. My mistake was that I thought I would instinctively know how to handle it. But there's no manual, no training course.

29. For now, I'm just going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view.

30. I don't have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big.

31. I just didn't believe I was like everybody else. I thought I was unique.

32. There have to be more important things going on in the world than my past.

33. That we are to stand by the President right or wrong is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.

34. We're going to shoot one Polaroid per show. I'm going to sign this before it even develops because I know that once it develops with my signature on it, it's worth a fortune. I'll make this a work of magic warlock art.

35. What you come to discover is, it isn't how you get there, it's that you get there. If that's what it took to get me where I'm at today, so be it.

36. I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies.

37. I think I have a duty as a recovering guy to help, to make my knowledge of what I went through accessible.

38. I've got volumes on how not to behave. I've got more information now than a guy should have at my age.

39. I'm 0 for 3 with marriage - the scoreboard doesn't lie, never has. So what we all have is a marriage of the heart. To sully or contaminate or radically disrespect this union with a shameful contract is something that I will leave to the amateurs and the Bible grippers.

40. I've spent, I think, close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold.

41. It's not an act. I love it. It's totally original. People go: "What's going on with this guy? Why does he sound so weird? What is going on in his brain". I don't know. Just one day I suddenly woke up with a new brain.

42. I so desperately wanted to be Mr. Somebody. Instead, I was the little brother, included to a point.

43. Dad kept us out of school, but school comes and goes. Family is forever.

44. I think what drove me insane for a long time is feeling like I hadn't earned most of what I achieved because it came so fast.

45. I try to be known more for my work than for anything else.

46. I tried marriage. I'm 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer - I believe in numbers. I'm not going 0 for 4. I'm not wearing a golden sombrero.

47. I've got mad energy for days. That's what people can't get their minds around. They say; "Oh, he's going to crash." They try to apply all these common terms to a guy who is not common. I don't fit into their little box.

48. Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of them.

49. People say you have to work on your resentments. Yeah, no, I'm gonna hang onto them and they're gonna fuel my attack.

50. The paramedic called the press and sold me like a loaf of bread. This was news, and he wanted to be the one to report it.

51. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.

52. There was a reason my first substantial role after rehab was to play a maniac whose personal story ended badly. I knew what it was like to go those dark places. I played a guy who died as a result of his abuse.

53. Usually in a battle sequence when a bomb is going off, you forget you're acting.

54. What is a normal childhood? We weren't rich, we were pretty middle-class. My dad survived from job to job; with him taking care of so many relatives, he couldn't save any money.

55. I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.

56. Winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning. Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. Sorry, man, didn’t make the rules. Oops!

57. I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.

58. If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like: "Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!"It fires in a way that’s maybe not from, uh… this terrestrial realm.

59. I was banging seven-gram rocks, because that’s how I roll.  I have one speed, I have one gear: Go.

60. Can't is the cancer of happening.

61. I am battle-tested bayonets, bro.

62. Look what I’m dealing with, man, I’m dealing with fools and trolls.

63. It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee, because I don’t have time for these clowns.

64. I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy.

65. I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

66. There’s a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.

67. (CBS) picked a fight with a warlock.

68. If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently.

69. C’mon bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn’t even trying. I wasn’t even warm.

70. Bring me Dr. Clown shoes.

71. Women are not to be hit, they're to be hugged and caressed.

72. It's a polygamy story...All my guy friends are gonna like throw tomatoes at me. It's like an organic union of the hearts.

73. Blame the studio for giving me this much dough knowing who they were giving it to.

74. They're the best at what they do and I'm the best at what I do. And together it's like, it's on. Sorry, Middle America. Yeah, I said it. (on his prediliction for porn stars)

75. They'll wake up one day and realize how cool dad is. And, you know, signs all the checks on the front, not the back. And you know, we need him and we need his wisdom and his bitchin'-ness. (on how his daughters with his ex-wife Denise Richards will regard him in the future)

76. I think the honesty not only shines through in my work, but also my personal life. And I get in trouble for being honest. I'm extremely old-fashioned. I'm a nobleman. I'm chivalrous.

77. I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself. ("Piers Morgan Tonight.")

78. I like John, but he doesn't have what I have and the show sucks if he's on it. Sorry, just speaking the truth. (on the potential for John Stamos to replace him on "Two and a Half Men" - Access Hollywood.)

79. I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction…the fiction of AA. It's a silly book written by a broken-down fool. (On how he cured himself of addiction - "The Today Show.")

80. Well, I mean, first of all come Wednesday morning they're gonna rename it Charlie Bros. and not Warner Bros. Duh, winning! It's, like, guys, IMDB right there, 62 movies and a ton of success. I mean, c'mon bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn't even trying. I wasn't even warm. (on why he's not worried about "Two and a Half Men's" indefinite hiatus - "The Today Show.")

81. It’s been a tsunami of media and I’ve been riding it on a mercury surfboard.

82. I’m grandiose.  Because I live a grandiose life.  I’m not aw shucks… because I’m gnarly.

83. Yeah, where is she now?  She’s under a bridge. (on past prostitutes who've gone public with their Charlie Sheen stories)

84. What is so bad about being under bridges, anyway? Bridges should sue Anthony Keidis for defamation.

85. I think I’m worth over a 100 BILLION dollars, but that’s just on a cellular level. (on being asked: "Are you worth a hundred million dollars?")

86. I am battle tested bayonets.

87. Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber.

88. Marry a tree. My other marriages didn't work out so I’m going to marry a tree.

89. We need to hack up the person responsible for this bad connection. Hack him up into pieces in front of his children. We need to cut off his face and wear it and go on a very tightly budgeted shopping spree in stores that don’t exist yet!

90. I don’t have a job. I’ve got a whole family to support and love. People a lot more important than me are relying on that money to fuel the magic. (on suing CBS)

91. There’s nothing about that in my history anywhere. I’m sorry if I offended you. I didn’t know you were so sensitive. I just thought that, after you wailing on me for eight years, I could take a couple shots back. (on accusations of anti-Semitism)

92. When it’s needed to protect my family, absolutely. And it’s unlike anything you will ever see. (on whether he is a violent person)

93. I did that because they work... change the way you see things and change the way you feel. And yeah, when you’re a little bit bored with the redundancy of certain aspects of your life, yeah, I think that’s why people do them. (on why he turned to alcohol and drugs)

94. Well, we couldn’t really call it rehab because we didn’t have a license to operate one, so it was a crisis management centre that we labelled the Sober Valley Lodge. … its primary client achieved radical success. (on in-home rehab)

95. God, no. Talk about an education. And then, like, this, and then that’s the guy, and that’s our dad and we can get all the answers and the truth? Wow, winning! (on whether he will someday be embarrassed to have to explain his behaviour to his children)

96. Why is it, when I was ready to return to work, you told me there are no scripts ready to shoot? This obviously begs the second part of the question: What would we have shot had you not ordered the suits into my home to shut down my party? Clearly, he didn’t bring gum for everyone. And why is it you issued a decree informing me that the remaining eight shows of Season 8 had been reduced down to four, stating as well that Season 8 was suddenly to halt production two weeks earlier than scheduled? You’re the only man that can answer this. When you were told that the crew would suffer gravely as a result of your dictatorial laziness, would you please explain what you meant by your statement, quote, "They are not my problem?" end quote. (to Chuck Lorre)

97. Everybody thinks I should be begging for my job back, and I’m just gonna forewarn them, it’s everybody else who’s gonna be begging me for their job back. … If people think I’m insane or they don’t think that what I’m saying is  true, I have no interest in their retarded opinions. I’m gonna live my life the way I want, I’m gonna win inside every moment, and they can just find the most comfortable chair in their small house and sit back and enjoy the show. (final thoughts on CBS)

98. I didn't care for that vanity card … that was one of the few compliments that clown has paid me in almost a decade. (on Chuck Lorre's Sheen-tweaking vanity card)

99. I'm tired of being told "You can't talk about that, you can't talk about that." Bull S-H-I-T. There's something this side of deplorable that a certain Chaim Levine - yeah, that's Chuck's real name - mistook this rock star for his own selfish exit strategy, bro. Check it, Alex: I embarrassed him in front of his children and the world by healing at a pace that his unevolved mind cannot process. Last I checked, Chaim, I spent close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold. And the gratitude I get is this charlatan chose not to do his job, which is to write. Clearly someone who believes he's above the law. (on Lorre himself)

100. It's being directed and written by a genius named David Ward who, I don't know, won the Academy Award at 23 for writing The Sting? It was his pen and his vision that created the classic that we know today as Major League. In fact, a lot of people think the movie's called Wild Thing, as they should. Whatever … If they want me in it, it's a smash. If they don't, it's a turd that opens on a tugboat. (on Major League 3)

101. If you love with violence and you hate with violence, there's nothing that can be questioned. People say: "Oh, you'd better work through your resentments." Yeah, no. I'm gonna hang on to them, and they're gonna fuel my attack. And they're going to fuel the battle cry of my deadly and dangerous and secret and silent soldiers. Because they're all around you. Sorry, you thought you were just messing with one dude. Winning.

102. No panic. No judgement.

103. Great. I was already planning on staying 100 parsecs away from her. (on his estranged wife Brooke Mueller's restraining order)

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